DFTBA: Girls are Awesome!

For Lent this year, I'm trying to make DFTBA (Don't Forget To Be Awesome) my spiritual discipline. Inspired by the Vlogbrothers and Pigtail Pals & Ballcap Buddies, I'm considering what DFTBA looks like for me and for my two-year-old daughter, Esther.


So far my Lenten discipline has included:
1. Remember you're awesome.
2. So is everybody else

Spirituality of DFTBA 4: Girls Are Awesome!
This post reminded me that Japan has a cool/fun tradition of having Girls' Day every year. It's a day to celebrate the girls in our lives, to fuss over them and celebrate that they ARE girls.  I don't know much about the background of the holiday, but it sounds like fun.

Especially after episodes in which women are derided and nine-year-old Oscar nominees are insulted in front of large national audiences. Yeah, Seth McFarlane, that was pretty awful.

So in honor of Girls' Day, and to spite Seth, I'm here to remind us all that GIRLS ARE AWESOME!

First off, God made both males and females. Both were created in God's image. The Bible doesn't say, God created the one with the penis in God's image, but the one with the uterus was just a knock-off.  No, it says, So God created humankind in his image,

   in the image of God he created them;   male and female he created them.

And the fact that scripture calls God "He" doesn't mean God is a boy. It means our (ancient and modern) grammar systems are too limited to come up with a singular personal pronoun that is gender-neutral.
The second description of God's creation* of men and women, the rib-from-Adam's-side thing, is equally silly non-proof that men are in any way superior to women. First, "Adam" comes from the Hebrew, adamah, which means something more like dirt-thing or mud-person or earthling than, humanoid-with-a-penis. And even if women were specifically created second, we all know the 2.0 version is better than the trial model anyway.** (Though this is not generally true with movie sequels!)

That said, for a long time, society, including and sometimes especially the church, have been telling women and girls that they are not awesome, that they are inferior biologically, intellectually, emotionally, and even spiritually. This is categorically UNTRUE.

I would like to say we're smarter than that these days, and many of us are, but there are still examples in contemporary progressive societies, let alone in more traditional cultures, of  misogyny, paternalism, sexism, chauvinism... Whatever you choose to call it, it's there.

I grew up being told that, "Anything boys can do, girls can do better!" I know this is kind of reverse-sexism, but I needed to hear it: I was at my great-grandmother's doctor appointment with her and my mom, and I guess we were talking about how the doc was making Grandom feel better, because I told my mom that when "I grow up to be a man, I'm going to be a doctor!" I'm sure she told me it was pretty unlikely that I would grow up to be a man, but she also assured me that I could be a doctor as a woman, too. (I'm obvi not a doctor, but I am a minister, also a traditionally-male field.)

I wish that the world had changed enough in the thirty-ish years since that incident that I didn't feel like I would have to spend Esther's life telling her the same thing. Alas, I fear this is not the case.

Reel Girl is a blog dedicated to the equal portrayal of women and girls in films, especially in children's movies/media. The author has found a consistent ration of about 1:5 of female to male characters in children's media. Oh, and an odd note: there are basically NO female characters on cereal boxes.

My mom, a teacher and the director of a preschool & daycare for over twenty years, said that kids are picking gender-traditional toys more than ever in the last few years. As in, "I'm not playing with that, that's for girls!" Or the reverse.  Toys are SO gender-marketed these days, that even a casual glance in a toy store shows you where to shop depending on the genitalia of your toddler.

Pigtail Pals/Ball cap Buddies is a blog that tries to fight those gender role assignments for kids.  There's no reason why a boy can't like purple or a girl can't like trucks.  One of their logos is "Colors are for everyone," fighting the belief that girls should limit themselves to pink, purple, and sparkles, while boys get just about all the other colors, and especially not pink, purple, or sparkles. They talk about all kids being, "Full of Awesome" and encourage kids to think outside of the box.

That said, there's nothing wrong with pink, purple, OR sparkles.  I'm a fan of all three myself. But they're not the only colors I like, and I would hate to think I could never wear blue again because it's a "boy color!" When we found out that Esther was a girl, I was terrified imagining the piles of pink we would receive. Again, this isn't because I dislike pink, but because I like the other colors, too! I want Esther to pick her favorite color because SHE likes it, not because she's been told (sub-consciously or by some little girl/boy in her preschool class someday) that she HAS TO like pink because it's a girl color.  (Of course, if she really does like pink, I will swallow my pride and bite my tongue.)

The same thing goes with the princess trend. Peggy Orenstein's book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter is all about the specific marketing that Disney and others (even Sesame Street!) have done to create this princess-crazy girl market.  I have nothing against the princesses (besides the fact they are generally a bunch of helpless women waiting around for some guy on a horse to ride them off into the sunset), but I do want Esther to be able to play with any toy and every toy she wants. Again, if her favorite thing ends up being tea parties with the princesses, I will swallow my pride and bite my tongue and sip invisible tea right next to her. But I will continue to take her to the zoo and point out trains tell her that girls can do anything they want.

Ok, so how does all this fit into the Spirituality of DFTBA?

• Ladies, remember you're awesome. You are more than your boobs, and idiots like Seth McF who suggest otherwise are just that: idiots. Men, women are awesome. They are more than boobs, and idiots like Seth McF who suggest otherwise are just that: idiots.
• Women, what are your assets that have nothing to do with your appearance? Congratulate yourself on those.
• Men, compliment a woman on something other than her appearance.
• Support causes that stand up for women, whether in media, education, or in laws about violence against women.

How do I do this for Esther?

• I encourage her to play with all kinds of toys.
• I watch as gender-balanced TV with her as I can. Doc McStuffins, a female doctor whose mom is her doctor-role-model is my current fave. 
• I never tell her "you can't do that, you're a girl." 
• I try to dress her in as many colors as the stores let me. (Hint to the stores: if you want me to buy an object, make it in a color other than pink! I get so excited to see anything outside of pink/purple, that I buy it whether I love it or not!)

Prayer:
God, thank you for men and women and for the ways we reflect your image. Help us to treat each other all as awesome, and help us to help others see the AWESOME in all of your children. Amen


* Yes, there are two creation stories.
** Yes, I believe in evolution. That doesn't mean the Creation stories are false, just that they have a deeper meaning than your average science text.

The Party: Cupcakes!

We had the Dum Ditty Drum cake at the party, but we needed some monkeys, too!
And, what flavor says monkeys like banana?

I used this recipe for the cupcakes, and this recipe for the Nutella icing.

Then I decorated the cupcakes to look like the monkeys who say, Dum Ditty Dum Ditty, Dum Dum Dum!

I used some Valentine's day M&Ms and sorted the whites and pinks. I used the pinks on the big cake and the whites for the eyes of the monkeys.
For the nose and mouth, I used a Nilla Wafer (yum!). I mixed a bit of milk with some gel food dye, and used a skinny paint brush to make the nostrils and a smile.
I read on one account of this (found on Pinterest of course), that the Nilla Wafers get soggy when applied to far in advance, so I waited till the morning of the party to apply them. They did get gross pretty quickly, but not so much soggy as stale.

Here's the finished product!

And here they all are, getting ready to be eaten!

We ended up with way more cupcakes than we needed, so we took them downstairs to the dining room of Nanna's nursing home. I tried to tell one woman what they were-- banana cupcakes with Nutella icing.  "Vanilla?" she said.
"No, Nutella. Um, it's a hazelnut spread. Chocolate and hazelnut."
"What did she say?" she asked the lady sitting next to her.
Generation gap, I guess.

Party Prep II

The other game... a cheesie poof toss through the mouth of a smiling monkey!

To make:
1. Scan image of choice.
2. Crop photo to face.
3. Check your printer's poster settings. I made mine three sheets by three sheets. Print. (I was apparently running out of yellow ink as this was printing.)
4. Mount the printed sheets onto cardboard.  (I used an old Ikea box and Elmer's spray glue.)
5. Using a utility knife, cut around the image and cut out the mouth.

6. Finally, use another cardboard box to make a kickstand.


I figure folks of all ages will have fun throwing cheesie poofs at each other... I mean, in the monkey's mouth.

Party Prep

Esther will be 2 on Monday. I can't even believe it. Her party will be this Saturday, and I've been doing all kinds of stuff to get ready. (Unemployment is good for something, anyway.)

I've tried two different recipes for banana cakes to make the monkey cupcakes. This one won.
I tried two flavors of icing: Nutella and chocolate/peanut-butter. Nutella won.

I've been working on a sweater for Esther. (A few more inches to go!)

And a dress. (Still need to finish the bottom hem, wash, and press. I'll show you in a few days.)

And today I finished the games. The first is a ring toss, inspired by "Rings on fingers. Rings on thumb."

I scanned the page from the book and added the text in the corner.  It's a decoration/sign to identify game.

I assembled and painted a "hand" from dowel rods and wooden ovals from A.C. Moore.

Then I made some rings. I used shower rings and tied some big shiny beads to them with wire.

It will be quite a feat for anyone to actually ring a finger with these, but I figure it will occupy the menfolk for a bit.




The other game posts tomorrow!

Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a regular part of growing up. It happens whenever a child takes some step that further differentiates her/him from her/his parents. So when Esther really got the hang of crawling and when she started walking, for instance, she also developed some separation anxiety.  The anxiety comes from a lack of feeling safe in the world without the "safe one" or parent.  Of course, she eventually learned that she is basically safe when she crawls into the other room: I am still in this room and still here for her. Same with walking, except, of course, when she walks into stuff or off of stuff...

Separation anxiety also rears its ugly head when I really am leaving her somewhere. Sometimes she would cry when I left her in the church nursery (not often, she eventually thought it was her own playroom with bonus friends), the times she first had to start or change a day care, and especially at the YMCA (that one is another story for another post).

Lately, with the back and forth between her dad and me, I've been worried about separation anxiety for Esther. She's also beginning potty training, which is one of those, I'm-growing-up-so-I-need-you-less-Oh-my-God-where-are-you?! things.  Being the book-lover that I am, and knowing she's too young to just sit down and talk it out, I am once again resorting to books.

Most of the story books in the separation anxiety department are about young kiddos going to school. Esther  (after the first day or two of surprise that she's in another new place) loves school. When I drop her off, she starts saying bye-bye immediately and keeps at it until I can finally get her coat off, hang it up, and get out the door. She is like a twelve-year-old. I'm pretty sure her first sentence will be, "Um, mom, can you just drop me off here, I'll walk the rest of the way." Or, "Ew, mom, don't kiss me in public!"

Anyway, school isn't our problem. Our problem is, she's away from daddy for a few weeks at a time and then she's away from mommy for a week at a time.

I Love You All the Time  is cute. It chronicles two bear parents doing things throughout the day, like going to work, being on the phone while bear cub is looking bored, and bear cub going to bed. It reiterates, "I love you all the time," and cubby is reminded, even when parent-bears aren't paying direct attention to you, they still love you.

You Go Away is another one that covers the gamut. It starts with peek-a-boo, which is the beginning of addressing separation anxiety, because baby really does think you've disappeared behind that blanket. It goes on to hide-and-seek, stepping away from the grocery cart for a second, going to work (parents), going to school (kiddos), and finally, mom and dad go someplace on an airplane. It has the most simple language. "Away. Back" "You go away. You come back." This allows for me to interpret what Esther and I see.

The Kissing Hand is sweet but maybe a bit too old for Esther right now (we read it anyway). In it, the Mama raccoon is getting the baby raccoon ready for school, and baby raccoon (cub? pup?) is sad to leave Mama behind all day. She kisses his paw and tells him that whenever he's missing her, he can hold the paw up to his cheek and remember her kiss is there. It's really sweet. There's one confusing thing: raccoons are nocturnal, so baby goes to school at night. I don't know why this messes me up, but it does every time! Also, there's a really sweet/cute (ok, and also predictable) ending, which I will not spoil for you here.



That is just the start. I'm a book-a-holic, and some part of me thinks I can fix anything with just the right picture book. Esther has at least two more, and I bought one for myself that arrived in the mail today. I'll let you know what I think.

J

Blow! Blow! Blow!

One of the favors for Esther's birthday party is a hankie. I know nobody uses handkerchiefs anymore, but the monkeys in the book do! This page was the inspiration, obviously.

By the way, this is how we get Esther to blow her nose.  I give her a tissue and say, "Hands with handkerchiefs!" She says, "Bow! Bow! Bow!"

I chopped up the book (gasp! I know!) and scanned a few of the pages for decorations at the party.  I cut out the monkey in the front and scanned him in all by himself.

I also printed out the words. I printed them all together, monkey and caption, and used up 8 of my 10 pages of Ink-jet-to-T-shirt transfer sheets.

I was about to start cutting them out when I realized I hadn't printed them backwards.  (You put the transfer sheets face-down, so they have to be the mirror image of what you actually want to see.)  So I used those last two pages to print the words. Doesn't it look funny?

Ok, on to the business. I ironed the transfers onto the hankies. I put it on the hottest setting and didn't use water. Steam makes the ink run. I kept the iron moving, but kept the heat on the image for 30 seconds to a minute each.  Of course, follow the instructions on whatever brand of transfer stuff you use.

Lay the images face-down and Iron! Iron! Iron!

The final product. Kinda cute, if I do say so myself.

Hand picks an apple

It's one of the lines/pages in Esther's favorite book.

So I plan on including it in the party preparations. Applesauce in little cups for the kiddos, and an apple/plum/white wine/champagne sangria-like concoction.

I'll also include apples in the favor bag.  It's in the story, and bonus: it's a healthy treat.

I'm getting excited for Esther's birthday, but still can't believe she'll be 2!

Reading stories

I just found a fun website:
http://www.storylineonline.net/

It features lots of famous actors reading children's books. I watched Betty White and Al Gore (ok, not a famous actor, but he was in a movie!). Betty's book was a good one for Esther's age, but Al's was super-long. May I suggest looking at the duration of the video before assuming your kid will be able to sit still long enough to get to the ending?

Our Story So Far

Esther's dad and I are splitting up. I know it can't be easy for Esther, but it's not like we can sit down and have a big long chat about it. But she loves story time, so I made her a story book.

I did it on snapfish.

The gist of Our Story So Far is that both of her parents love her, and we're doing the best we can to help her be happy.

She loves pointing at the pictures and telling me who's in them. Me and Daddy, herself (she calls herself Daddoo-- I think it comes from us saying "that's you!" in pictures or the mirror), her grandparents, and a whole spread of the key characters in her life. She requests it each night by shouting, "Daddy!" or "Daddy Mommy!" (There's a picture of Daddy and Mommy on the front cover.) It's usually second to "Dum Dummy."  : )

The Invite

This is the invite to Esther's second birthday party. (I made it for the non-email people in Esther's life. The electronically connected got a little e-mail thing from a program I have called Smilebox. It came free with my purchase of Print Shop.)

The party will be at my Nanna's assisted living facility. They have a free activity room. Nanna is Esther's great grandmother. She's 85 and can't get out without oxygen, so this was the only way I could be sure to include her. Plus, when Esther and my dad and I visited her over the holidays, Esther's cuteness cheered up some of the oldsters there, so I wondered about the availability of a space. Nanna gets to invite 5 or 6 buddies. She's already worried she'll leave someone out and hurt feelings. Miss Popularity.

The added bonus of doing it there-- there's no other free location that will be neutral space for my family. Since my parents' divorce, I've been cautious to include everyone, not offend anyone, and try to avoid awkwardness all at the same time. Now that Esther's in our lives, we're all stepping up in these areas... all for Esther.

Almost two!

Esther turns two in a month... I've decided on a theme:

the book, HAND, HAND, FINGERS, THUMB.

She is loving this book right now, and we are having a blast learning to do a thumbs up, shaking hands, and saying, "Whack! Whack! Whack!" (Esther somehow makes it sound like a duck)

I think the kiddos at the party will make drums, and I'll come up with a menu based on the book's monkeys, drums, and references to apples and plums. I'll keep you posted on the planning.

Take care!
J