Grandma Pigtail Pals Has Something To Say To Girls Who Are Different

This is an awesome letter from a Grandmother to a granddaughter about her awesomeness. It's good for all of us, too.


Grandma Pigtail Pals Has Something To Say To Girls Who Are Different:

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Spirituality of DFTBA: Surround yourself with Awesome

For Lent this year, I'm trying to make DFTBA (Don't Forget To Be Awesome) my spiritual discipline. Inspired by the Vlogbrothers and Pigtail Pals & Ballcap Buddies, I'm considering what DFTBA looks like for me and for my two-year-old daughter, Esther.

So far my Lenten discipline has included:
1. Remember you're awesome.
2. So is everybody else.

3. Girls are awesome.
4. But don't get ahead of yourself: Humility


Surround yourself with awesome
Let's just say that lately, life has been less than awesome. I'm in the middle of a divorce, I'm unemployed, and I live very far from the majority of my friends. (I do live near family, who are awesome, and my bestie from High School who you met HERE, and who is also awesome.) That's one of the reasons I chose DFTBA to be my Lenten spiritual discipline. I need to try to at least approach awesome if I'm going to get the job I want, survive this divorce, and still be a good mom.

Last week I had the amazing opportunity to spend some time with my girlfriends from seminary.  We are from all over the country, in our mid-thirties, in various stages of family life, and in a wide variety of jobs (in spite of all having gone to school together!). Those who can make it gather annually in a city near one of our homes. We spend the time in food, drink, and usually some nice scenery. But most importantly, we immerse ourselves in each other.  You see, these ladies are awesome. And being around them makes me feel more awesome. They don't hesitate to remind me of my gifts, or tease me (appropriately) about my shortcomings. When we hurt each other's feelings, we discuss, forgive, and move on.  We talked about my job situation (or lack thereof), my family situation, and each of theirs. They reminded me how much I love leading worship and how much I love my little girl, while mixing delicious margaritas, introducing me to kale, making me a mixed tape (ok, CD), and fighting over the last bite of guacamole with me.

My friends from seminary are awesome (and I have an equally awesome group from undergrad). And I tell youth whenever I get the chance: choose your friends wisely. Pick people who have the same values, who will remind you of who you are, but who are different enough from you to challenge your way of thinking every now and then. If your friends don't make you feel more awesome, they're not friends.

How is this the spirituality of DFTBA? The people with whom we spend our time, the people who light up our phones, our facebook newsfeeds, who occupy the space in our brains and our hearts, also influence our spirits. When we're surrounded by negativity, it's hard to see Awesome. When we're surrounded by superficiality, it's hard to see the Image of God within ourselves.  When we're surrounded by voices that make us insecure, we begin to focus on ourselves so much that we forget the awesomeness of everyone else.  On the other hand, awesome friends reflect that divine image back at us, sometimes when it's hardest for us to see.  Awesome friends give us the gift of genuine laughter, but let us cry when we need to as well. Awesome friends celebrate our awesomeness instead of competing with it or downplaying it. Awesome friends help us look out into the world and spread Awesome to our neighbors.

Practical tips for Surrounding yourself with Awesome:

• Take some time to think sincerely about the people with whom you spend time. Do they share awesome with you? Do they increase your awesome?
• If you're in a bad place with any of your friends, consider how you might reconcile with them in a constructive way, a way that might help the relationship come closer to awesome.
• Consider where you make friends and where you might make new ones who could surround you with awesome. A place of worship? A class? At work?

Prayer:
Loving God, you gave us the gift of community-- people to love us and care for us, people we can love and for whom we can care. Thank you. Bless our friendships, and help us to surround one another with awesome.
Amen.

Free knitting patterns: knitted easter egg decoration

I'm getting ready for Easter... pictures to come!


Free knitting patterns: knitted easter egg decoration:

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I found this today on my daughters floor. My daughter is seven.

To know or not to know?

Lots of friends have had babies, some knowing what they were going to have, and others opting for a surprise on the big day. People have all kinds of reasons, from looking forward to the big reveal, to being able to prepare in advance.

I had mixed feelings: on one hand, what does it matter? We would love any baby no matter what gender he or she may be. We had a girl and boy name (both family names) picked out, so that would be easy either way. It's not like I was going to paint a nursery pink or blue. I mean, we all know how I feel about that by now, right?  Even if I didn't have a strong opinion, Esther's dad did.  He wanted to know, so I was fine with finding out.

On the day of the 20-week ultrasound, we were excited. After a bit of time in the waiting room, the ultrasound tech came and got us, and I got onto the table.  The tech checked the head, heart, lungs, brain, arms, legs, and finally,the genitalia. The baby was (appropriately) in the fetal position, so it was covering up the unmentionables pretty well. Eventually, though, after a few passes from a few different angles, the tech concluded we were having a girl.

I was not surprised in the least. I felt like my soul had known she was a girl the whole time.  But suddenly I realized she was Esther. She was no longer an "it," but a "she," and not just any "she," but Esther Grace. I thought of my great grandmother and my mom and was overwhelmed with love for my girl Esther.

A gross and a funny

Esther is potty training right now. She just started with the 2-year-old class and thinks all those kids are super cool, so she wants to use the potty just like they do. The other night Esther was in the tub when she realized she had to "pee pee potty," so I ran over and grabbed her and stuck her on the potty, not quite realizing she had already started peeing en route. Luckily she didn't get me, but I had to wash the bathroom rug.

And the funny: Esther's vocabulary is expanding rapidly at this point and it's pretty hilarious to see which terms from that vocabulary she applies to a given situation.  The other day we were at Grandma and Grandpa's house, and E was snuggling with Grandpa. She reached up to stroke his chin, felt his two-day stubble, looked up at him and said, "Mess!"

Spirituality of DFTBA: But Let's Not Get Ahead of Ourselves

For Lent this year, I'm trying to make DFTBA (Don't Forget To Be Awesome) my spiritual discipline. Inspired by the Vlogbrothers and Pigtail Pals & Ballcap Buddies, I'm considering what DFTBA looks like for me and for my two-year-old daughter, Esther.

So far my Lenten discipline has included:
1. Remember you're awesome.
2. So is everybody else.

3. Girls are awesome.

Spirituality of DFTBA 5: But Let's Not Get Ahead of Ourselves
While it's great to remember we're awesome, and also great to remember that others are awesome, it's important to keep it all in perspective.  Being awesome, being made in the image of God, does not mean that we are, in fact, God.

“We need a coat with two pockets. In one pocket there is dust, and in the other pocket there is gold. We need a coat with two pockets to remind us who we are.” 
― Parker J. Palmer

Parker Palmer is a pretty awesome writer about vocation and teaching. This quote is an expression of his understanding of humanity.  We are awesome (the pocket with the gold), but we are mortal (dust). The mortality aspect of humanity hopefully gives us some humility.  When I say humility in this case, I'm not talking about thinking we're not great, not talking about being self-deprecating when someone compliments us. I'm not talking about thinking we're less than anyone else.  
Humility in this case means remembering our human-ness.  From dust (dirt in the book of Genesis, just a bunch of particles in science) we came, to dust we will return. We will die. This hopefully puts our own importance into perspective. Like the dust/gold duality, there is a good side and a bad side to having that perspective, to recognizing our humility and mortality. On the dust side, sometimes it makes us feel so so small in the grand scheme of life and the universe. It can make us doubt our importance. On the gold side, have you ever had one of those moments looking at a starry sky or the expanse of the ocean and thought how big the rest of the world/universe is? It's an awe-inspiring, joyful moment.

The other thing about not being God, is that we don't have as much control over life as we might like. We can't control the weather. Or the economy. Or a virus. Or when we're going to get a flat tire. Dust: it sucks to not have any control. Gold: we're not responsible for a lot of crap that happens in the world.

Even more important but less easy to accept: we don't have control over the actions, thoughts, or feelings of other people.  Dust: The lack of control over other people can be frustrating: we wish people would do what we want, or what we expect... We wish others would understand the things we want them to understand, forgive us when we anger them, read our minds to know what we need... But they don't. 
Gold: Understanding this lack of control can be extremely helpful. No matter how much I beg or cajole or manipulate, I can't make an addict give up his or her addiction. Nothing I do can make someone love me or not love me.  This knowledge is freeing. When I was a kid and my parents split up, I felt it was my job to make everyone's pain less somehow. I hid my feelings so that my sadness and anger wouldn't make my parents or sisters more sad or angry. I acted like my actions could control the feelings of others. Now I know it's not true. No matter my actions, others interpret them in ways I can't control. I can consider the impact of my actions on others, I can communicate my intentions to the best of my ability, but ultimately, I can't control how someone chooses to feel.

Another thing about humility, is knowing the world doesn't revolve around us. For better or worse, people aren't thinking about us all the time! Gold: No, it is not likely that "everyone" was wondering why you wore the same pair of jeans two days in a row. Gold: Your friend's grumpy face when she was talking to you was because of her headache, not because she was disliking you.  Dust: People aren't thinking about you all the time.

Ok, so how does this fit into the spirituality of DFTBA?
Find a place in nature that reminds you of how big Creation is and how small you are.
Put something special in one pocket and an ordinary rock in the other.


And for Esther?
Two-year-olds do not actually have the cognitive/psychological development to get this stuff yet. Babies really think the world DOES revolve around them. 


Consider this substitute in the serenity prayer: 
     God grant me the serenity 
          to accept the things I cannot control; 
               courage to change the things I can control;
                    and wisdom to know the difference.
                                                                                   Amen.